The Diary

I was a Peter Pan I refused to grow up Only to be defeated at the hands of clock I would fly I could always go up Only to live and laugh and play in flock ✶    ✶    ✶

किताब के बीते पन्नो में , बहुत सि ग़लतियाँ की हैं मैंने  उन पन्नो को मैं जोड़ने लागु तो मेरी अदब ख़राब हो जाएगी।  मैं अपनी अदब को ख़राब नहीं देखना चाहता। किताब  ->  ज़िन्दगी  पन्ना   ->  बीता हुआ वक़्त  अदब   ->  छवि

Problem I noticed a very strange thing about me. I have started to loose my calm very easily these days. I was able to keep myself contained and tolerant before, but now it doesn't seem to be working. I don't know why this is happening and how I got here but I don't like this. I was the one who was able to handle and contain situations but now things are getting out of my hand very frequently. This is a problem. I have lost my composure. Which is a bad trait of a good personality that I had developed over the years. Another problem that persists is, my anxiety. It has grown over the years. And I have noticed that the farther away I keep from public interaction the more it gets a strong hold over me. I tend to freak out frequently. Also, I used to have a very good focus on things and not get easily distracted. It seems I am loosing that too. I now get very distracted even if there is nothing in my vicinity to distract me. I am not able to focus on most of the things. And ...

Hello World! 😄 It has been a long time since I have written anything. I kind of drifted from my usual ways of going through the day and tried casual approach instead. Which felt good initially but after a while becomes a dreadful way to waste your time and resources. So I'm getting back to the old way of making a schedule and strictly adhering to it. This in short run is best way to boost your productivity and getting many things done in less time, but for long run it turns painful and lifeless. There needs to stay a balance of both to have a jolly ride. Not having too much of anything, that may result in cracked skull 😛 I call the it the Chandravanshi and Suryavanshi style of life. Chandravanshi being the casual approach, and Suryavanshi being approach governed with laws. Just as Amish explains it in his National Best Seller: Shiva Trilogy. Which I'm a great fan of, btw. Being casual I was able to read many books of literature and do other stuff that mostly hel...

Okay! Here's another one of my weird brain freeze event. Ever stuck in a situation when you want to talk to someone and you are not able to? And with passing time when you don't talk to'em the desire to talk builds-up more and more. Well! This is something like that. You see I met a girl a year ago and there's something different about her. I'm not saying she's a very different girl and I see something with her and all. Just that her nature and behaviour is something which I haven't been able to understand. More like a problem that I have not been able to solve for a while. It was good to be with her till there was some sort of misunderstanding and I moved to another place so there was sudden lack of communication between us. And I never tried to overcome this gap until one day she texted me herself and we cleared it all. It felt peaceful to clear the dust between us and be on good terms again. The reason for not initiating the conversation on my part ...

Dedicated to: Naman | Shubham | Soman | Himanshu | Amey Ajinkya | Gauri | Ankita | Nikita | Anushtha | Shekhar *   *   *   * Today my steps were slow and swaying like a derailed train. They were heavy with the bulk of sentiments that I carried. They didn't want to turn back home. They wanted to stay, amidst the people I met and the friends I made. And I'm pretty sure this feeling of lingering back, standing in silence, no one moving except the fleeting time and the ticking clock, even after saying parting words thrice. The sunset on Cognizant, complimenting our farewell. It has been quite a journey. Feels like we just came in yesterday. Made good friends. Had good laughs. And are now saying our goodbyes. We knew it will happen but didn't want it to happen so soon. We had our ups and downs. I will miss each 'n' everyone and every moment spent together. And the meetings in the evening and all the funny incidents. We have m...

Mat aazmao mujhe ab tham jao Dekh chuke mujhe maayus, ab ruk jao Luta chuka sab, aur nahi Bacha koi hai taur nahi Ab aagaya hu itni dur The sapne apne sab fizul Ab naam na lena Kabhi pukaar na lena Ab maan hai abhimaan hai Ghuroor jo chattan hai Tod nahi sakoge maan jao Mat azmao mujhe ab thehar jao

A news is good A news is bad A news is what keeps us intact There is good news and a bad one. The good news is someone in known relations got a govt. job and is finally stable in life. The bad news is a girl of 19, in known relations, died while giving birth to her child, destabilising the child for entire life. A boy was married to a girl at an early age last year, and she became pregnant. The boy is 25 now, and the girl is dead. Her suffering increased manifolds by the jaundice that was detected days before she went into labour. Making her death unavoidable. Young age, jaundice, childbirth. There is a thing about happiness. It’s like Light being emitted. It only spreads. But sadness. It doesn’t work that way. It’s like a black hole. Sucks everything into it. And in a case like the one we have here, the sad part over-weighs the happy. The best gift bestowed to human beings is the ability to forget. It’s a boon which often people confuse for a curse. It’s a necessary evil. If we al...

“I can’t take the portraits you want. It’s an 18-55 lens, I need a prime 50 mm”, I said to her when she got agitated like an innocent child who wasn’t getting what she wanted and didn’t know why. I remember. I remember it all. It has been more than a year but I still remember how it used to feel with her around. I was so fond of her. And now all I have is memories of her, that keep haunting me every day. I knew moving on would be tough, but this level of toughness wasn’t expected. It's my exam tomorrow, the one I have been preparing for a year now. And just the day before the exam when I should be revising the key points that would help me in the battle, I am drowning in those memories. Call this my fate or state of mind or whatever, my heart is still trying to find that’s no more there. I don’t know what to do. I want to just rush up and have back in my life, but I know all doors are shut. Why does it happen to me? Every time in the important moments, she pops up in my head....

So, the thing is that GATE 2018 is knocking on my door and I’m scared about it. I’m not sure if I’ll stand upon the promise that I immaturely made by appearing for GATE 2017. I thought that I can deal with the exam easily if I prepare for a year solely for it. Therefore, after college graduation, I took a year off from everything just to prepare for it. And now that I’ve seen all the phases that come along with the preparation time, I am SCARED! The exam that I’ve been preparing for almost a year now, is here. And I’m not sure if I’ll be doing that good as I thought. And as it is coming closer, I find myself reluctant to study for it. My study hours have changed from 16 per day (which includes 6 hours coaching class) to 6 per day (after the coaching ended), to just 3 per day. I know. It looks terrible. But I can’t help it. I’m just not able to dedicate more time to my notes and practice. Maybe because I fell too much pressure. And I have seen other competitors. It’s demoralizing. Thou...

All I literally wanted to do was get my thoughts out somewhere. And I thought opening up my system will do some good. Stupid decision. And the reason its stupid is because it took 1 min to start my system and get up my windows. Then I opened MS Word that took another 30 seconds delay. And when it opens, it shows me activation issue. So I had to install a crack for it to get it to work fine because you see I’m just a student who is not earning and with no pocket money at all to spare on some shitty activation thing just to ensure the software is genuine so that the production company may gain some profit. All this nonsense just to put out my thoughts. This gets irritating sometimes you know. How you want to actually do something and end up doing something else that you never even wanted to do in the first place. I guess that’s why Apple is making such profits via their systems. Just press a button to power-on the thing. And in 3 seconds, the system is up and running. There are the ico...